99 problems

If you hadn’t guessed by the title, this post isn’t exactly filled with unicorns and rainbows. Sorry. Maybe next time?*

Anyway. Let’s get started.

In November 2009 I was fired. (Yeah. That sucked.)

Through a stroke of luck I was able to stay in my job as a temp and even get a raise, but now my time is up. Or almost, anyway.

My last day is August 31th 2011. Nearly two years after I was let go, I finally have to actually move on and do something else with my life. Problem is, I have no idea what or if I even want to.

There is a lot of downsizing going on at work right now and seeing all these people being let go, is a constant reminder that my time here is short as well. Of course, it’s sad that they’re losing their job, but if I’m being completely honest, I’m more upset about my own (99) problems: What am I supposed to do with my life? How am I going to pay my bills? What will make me happy?

(Yes, I am extremely self-involved – I could pretend not to be, but I hate keeping up appearances)

My parents want me to go back to school and study full-time. “You’re wasting your potential,” they say.

They say this as lovingly as possible, but it still puts pressure on me to do something with my life. Something great. Something inspiring. Something more awesome than just holding a normal 9to5 job.

The thought of studying full-time does appeal to me. Going to classes, reading, studying, even taking exams. I like finding answers and learning new things.

Still, going back to school also feels like I’ll be regressing into my safe zone. It’s something I know and something I know I’ll be able to excel at.

And one day I’ll graduate, and what will I do then?

I feel as if going back to school would be like taking all of my problems and putting them on hold for the two years that I’ll be studying. But once I get my degree, the problem of what to do with my life will still be there.

I’ve been told I focus too much on the problems in my life. I’m trying to just go with the flow, I really am. 

But it’s really, really hard. 

* Oh who am I kidding. Meet Charlie the Unicorn!