Monday, March 14, 2011

I know you are, but what am I?

There is a Danish song that I really like, mostly because of the lyrics. It's called "Karrussellen" by Balstyrko (it means The Carousel in English and it's a tongue-in-cheek song about life and living).

The pivotal part of the song for me are these few lines:
Hver eneste ting du ser i mig
den kan kun findes der inde i dig

Translated (and paraphrased) it goes something like this:
Every single thing you see in me
Will be in you as well

It’s interesting to think that how you see the world (and what you see in it) says more about you than it does about the world.
And one thing is for sure – we cannot see anything in another person (or anything else for that matter) if it does not exist within ourselves.

Some of this is because of psychological projection (read more about that concept here [I really believe all writers - and generally all humans - should be familiar with this psychological mechanism so click on that link]) but it’s also because we can only identify correctly that which we recognize.

Notice how I slipped that little ‘correctly’ in there? Because, of course, even though we think we know why another person reacts as he/she does, we might be wrong. We are inclined to assign our value-system to the person we’re trying to figure out. But of course, we don’t all operate based on the same values. We don’t all want the same thing or feel the same way. And assuming that we do, can get a you into a lot of trouble. A useful plot-device, by the way.
 
We assign motivation and reason to the people we surround ourselves with. We make excuses, see certain sides yet ignore other aspects. We might think that people are as we perceive them, but really, they aren't.

We need to be aware of the fact that we are only seeing the sides of the person that we want to or that our perception allows us to. As time passes we will see more and more of the person and get to know him/her better. But there are still things we will never know.

Everything you see in me, will be in you as well.

 
This is closely related to a Danish saying: "Tyv tror hver mand stjæler". 

It means that a thief will think that everybody else is a thief as well (by the way, is there an eloquent English saying for this? Please share in the comments if you know).

What you see in the world is a reflection of your internal belief system. It might sound absurd, but what you see in the world, is nothing but what is inside you (again, this is related to psychological projection - go click on the link!).

 

Your personality isn't just something that is inside you. It colors every aspect of your life and everything around you. And if you claim you don't know yourself, then pay attention to the world around you. What do you see? What do you assign value? Notice both the good and the bad stuff, really anything that makes an impression. It all has something to say about who you are.

You should also try to keep this in mind when writing your story. How does your main-character see the world? How do they act in it? Are there discrepancies?

Of course, there can be conflict between what they say and do, and how they see the world. This would usually cause a person to be unhappy or even downright miserable. Maybe that's what you're going for, I mean, who want's a happy main-character?
 
Everything I see in you, will be in me as well.
It's both a comforting and a scary thought.

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