Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Failing the Bechdel Test

I’m sitting at my local coffee shop.

Next to me are two young women. Not particularly pretty, but not unattractive either. And all they are talking about are boyfriends and how they used to have them and how they don’t anymore and how they feel comfortable where they are. If their life was a movie, it would not pass the Bechdel Test.

One of them noticed that her ex-boyfriend deleted her on facebook over the weekend. Not because she’s stalking him or anything. She just notices stuff like that really quick. Riiiiiight.

And then she goes on to talk about how she would totally go for that guy she met at new year’s eve. But she’s like really enjoying being single and getting to know who she is when she’s on her own.

I’m really eaves dropping aren’t I?

They’ve left now. So now it’s just me and my own thoughts.

This one woman (who did most of the talking) kept on insisting she was happy, but her whole way of thinking and the things she talked about just didn’t match up. If you are happy being single why are you checking your ex’s facebook? Why are you thinking about that guy you met almost 3½ months ago and that ‘you’d totally go for’ if he called? It’s been months – it’s not going to happen. Why are you not present in your own life as it is? Instead you’re caught up in the whole ‘could have – would have – should have.’

Sitting here thinking about it, It sounded like she was trying to convince herself that she was happy.

I pity her.  And I see myself reflected in her. It’s actually pretty uncomfortable to see myself as someone I don’t like.

You can bet that whenever I judge somebody, I judge myself by the same standards.

I don’t quite know what to do about it.

I could try to be more positive, but that would just be the equivalent of me trying to convince you guys that I’m totally fine and a-okay as a way to convince myself. But I’m not happy about my life right now. And trying to pretend won’t be enough.

Fuck it.

I’m going to work some more on my excel spreadsheet of wonder and rainbow colors and figure out what to do some other day. It’ll be a problem for Cat from the Future. She’s much smarter than me anyways. She’ll know what to do for sure.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Non-consequential Thoughts

I had this post written where I complained a bit about my life and stuff in general, and I was all ready to hit publish, but then I thought – why would I share this with the world?

I don’t really think about what I post here. It’s mostly just whatever’s in my head. But you know that friend that always complains and never seems to be able to be happy about anything? That friend is exhaustive to be around. Thinking about it now I actually think I’ve successfully managed to not have that kind of friend anymore.

But I don’t want this blog to turn into the cyber equivalent of a negative nelly.

So yeah. Non-trivial shit and stress is getting me down at the moment, but fuck that. There are more interesting things about me I’d like to tell you.

  • In an attempt to not being defined by my job I signed up to do a 8 km obstacle course, military stile. It’s called Toughest. Because it’s the Toughest race out there. Yeah – I’m not even kidding you.
  • I want to write and publish articles on knowledge management, the networked organization, and whatever other buzzword I can think of. That’s gonna be a project for the next time I’m bored.
  • I got a new washing machine. When you turn it on and open the side-door, lights come on inside it. It’s freaking awesome. 
  • I’m considering working Pocahontas and ‘Colors of the Wind’ into my presentation at work. You only have the fun you make yourself, right? But the thing is my job is pretty … conservative. It’s famous for it in Denmark. And I’m not quite sure they’ll be able to handle a Disney reference in a presentation about our IT application landscape. It’s also going to be my first presentation. Maybe I shouldn’t press my luck? 
  • I just spent an hour writing this post (twice) instead of doing actual work. But then again, it’s 8PM so I guess it’s okay to be not working.

Aah, who am I kidding. I’ve got an excel spreadsheet to gaze lovingly into.

*plays ‘Colors of the Wind’ on Spotify*


Monday, March 31, 2014

Ahoy! It's a Dane!

hard. We are expected to form social relations with the people we go to school with or the people we work with.

You’d think we were stuck in 18th century England where it’s frowned upon to talk to anybody you haven’t been formally introduced to, but the fact of the matter is that this is still kinda of the reality in Denmark.

Of course, almost none of the norms apply to situations in which Danes are intoxicated. When a Dane is drunk, the social norms are different. All bets are off so to speak. This is also why lots of people ‘hook up’ when they’re out partying. That’s usually the first step of dating a Dane. More on that here, if you want to read it – it’s a good read and fairly accurate.

Now of course – not all Danes are like this. We don’t growl at strangers when they approach or anything. But the general consensus is that if a strangers walks up to you and starts talking to you (outside of school, work or private parties) that stranger is either A) Crazy, B) Trying to sell you something or C) A tourist. Maybe even all of the above. Whichever the case, it’s not someone you particularly want to interact with.

It’s not because we dislike strangers. I’m sitting here trying to figure out why we are this way. I don’t really know. It’s just seen as rude to talk to anybody you don’t have any business talking to. It also extends beyond that. Even among friends, it’s really rude to just drop by somebody’s home. If a friend of mine out of the blue knocks on my door I’ll assume some sort of tragedy just happened or that something is really, really wrong.

I think part of the reason why we are this way, is because it’s seen as really rude to just assume that the person you’re visiting doesn’t have anything better to do than entertain you. Now I might be perfectly happy to see you. I might even have missed you. But if you show up unannounced on my doorstep I’m going to be annoyed too, because you’re messing up my plans.

Maybe it’s just that Danes as a population can’t handle unexpected occurrences?

Should something unexpected to occur, you can count on a Dane on handling it with a cool calm. They will always be polite. The most impolite thing a Dane will do might be to just not respond when you’re talking to them. They’ll simply ignore you in the hopes that you will go away. Because that is how we as a population deal with uncomfortable things. We ignore them and hope they go away. They usually do.

But as polite as we are, we don’t like to exchange meaningless pleasantries. The classic one is Americans that always ask ‘How are you?’ no matter what the situation is. Don’t get me started on that one. I mean – do you really want to know how I am? Like, really? You are interested in hearing about the details of my life and my mood? And then you ask me in a setting where they only thing I can possible answer is ‘Fine-thank-you-how-are-you?’ as quickly as possible because it’s a fucking shop and I’m leaving as soon as you hand me my receipt which will be in 2½ seconds.

I got used to that question. I learned to smile and say thank you. But it’s still the definition of being superficial and rude in your relations to strangers. Don’t ask me how I’m doing unless you have 30 minutes to hear me talk about my life, the meaning of it all, and the fact than I’m hungry.

This post got rather long, didn’t it? I'll stop now then - talk to you later.



Saturday, March 29, 2014

Springing Back to Life

Things are cyclical. I know this. It’s something you don’t quite get when you’re a teenager and experiencing everything for the first time. You roll you’re eyes when adults tell you that things will get better.

But they’re not lying. Things do get better.

I’m home in Denmark again. This past month I’ve been to Scotland and Qatar with my new job. It’s been pretty hectic. I love it though. I still can’t believe I actually ended up where I am (which is in Business IT within a huge firm –the sky is the limit in this place).

It's springtime in Copenhagen. I took this picture this morning (and made it look better by using filters in instagram). The first days of sunshine after the winter always makes me happy. I love it. 

I’m sitting at my local cafĂ© enjoying the fact that I’m home. I love my city more when I’ve not seen it for a while. And I’ve hardly have time to see it this month.

But as with anything cyclical I know this feeling of peace and harmony I have will disappear again. Which sort of makes it more precious?

Anyway. Cycles seems to be the theme of this post. And it seems this blog might come back to life again. I nod my head to Weak Thrust and look forward to see how their comeback will play out. Twisted as you all are, I do love you. Maybe the revival of my blog will equal yours.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

The Last 10 % = 90 % of the Task

That headline above - have you heard about that concept? It's widely known in IT project management.

You have a defined task. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. When you start you naively always believe that the project is smaller or more easily done than what is actually possible.
Some of this is due to scope-creep*. That's always an unpleasant fellow to run into. But most of it is due to the fact that you don't know what you're doing until you've done it.

But writing that down as a project goal isn't really the accepted business practice.

I'd like to think you get better at knowing you're own limits and identifying the potential areas of complexity before they hit you on the head like a freaking cement-block and delay the completion of your project. But maybe that's just wishful thinking.

I like to finish things. But a lot of things will never get finished.

It's not just IT projects that work this way. Right now I'm staring at piles of clean, neatly folded laundry. I need to put it on hangers and actually finish this measly task of doing the laundry. You'd think the hard part is over. I dragged bags of filthy clothes across town in order to wash it. I hung it up to dry. Folded it. And dragged it back across town. All I need is to finish the job. The last 10%. But I feel like it takes 90% of my energy to do it.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm lazy by nature.

By the way, this post is my attempt to motivate myself to actually put my damn clothes away. It also functions as a perfectly valid excuse to procrastinate the task - at least for a few more minutes. A win-win situation.

I've managed to have 16-hours workdays for months, juggling working a job and writing a thesis. I'll be damned if I let myself get beat by a little pile** of laundry.

So yeah. Let's all try to finish our projects, hmm? Even the small ones. They all matter in the end.

* I'm not going to explain to you what the fuck scope-creep is. Do something useful with your time and google it yourself.
** I lied. It's huge. I've been avoiding doing laundry for ages. I actually ran out of socks. Yup. I am that adamant about avoiding doing stuff.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Update and Zombie-Snails?

So. If you haven’t figured out yet, I update this blog when I’m trying to avoid dealing with my life. 

But my life right now? It’s pretty decent. 

I’m done with school. Got my master’s degree. Yup. I am now a Master of IT. Got an A too on my thesis. Booyah.
I got a freaking awesome job at a huge company. I’ll actually be travelling abroad. Hotels and airports here I come!

And while that’s nice and well, I don’t walk around feeling grateful everyday. Maybe I should? But I’m actually annoyed at all the menial crap I still have to do, like doing the dishes and the laundry. And getting up every morning. So annoying. 

I feel like I don’t quite know how to relax. It’s like I only have two settings: Super awesome ninja-woman, doing everything at once and doing it to perfection. Or Zombie-snail. There is not middle ground. I’ve been sliding into zombie snail territory. Next weekend I’ll binge watch House of Cards. That’s going to be fun. I need to catch up on Game of Thrones, too.

Me as a zombie-snail. This would be as I was watching the latest Sherlock episode - source

Fuck it. I’m just going to chill for a few weeks until my new job starts and then I’m sure I’ll be back to my old busy self. And if not, I’ll find something to fill my nights with. Possible Sons of Anarchy or The Wire.

Monday, November 11, 2013

DOA - for reals

I'm pretty sure I killed the Zombie. Or maybe I'm becoming one myself?

I have no clue.

You know what? I should put up a new sign next to my thesis office.

Don't Dead. Open Inside.