Sadness: It's happy for deep people.*

I haven’t been thinking a lot of happy thoughts lately, and I’ve not felt like sharing the dark things on my mind. Not in greater detail than I already have, anyway. But I had a revelation of sorts today that I would like to share with you.

It came to me from reading this status-update on facebook: “lifestyle changes... mention one thing you would like to change about your way of life?”

It’s a simple enough question but I was actually stumped. I didn’t know what to answer. If I could, what would I like to change about my life?

I didn’t know. And I guess that would be okay, if I were actually happy. But I’m not happy. I haven’t been happy for a while now (not to say that I’m miserable all the time, but I get hit with waves of sadness sometimes, and I don’t think that is the way life is supposed to be).

I didn’t know what I wanted to change about my life. What behavioral pattern I wanted to modify. I just thought that I’d like to be more happy. To feel less sad. But I didn’t want anything to actually change.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" – Albert Einstein.

Yeah. That’s what I’m doing. That’s how I’m living my life. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting that it will one day make me happy.

No wonder I’m going crazy.

But the thing is I actually really like my life. I like myself. I like my apartment. I like my family. I like my friends. I like my job. I like my co-workers. I even like my boss. I really do just like my life and don’t particular want it to change.

But maybe I need it to?

I don’t know.

After thinking about it (because if you haven’t noticed there’s one thing I do extremely well, and that is thinking about stuff until I’ve thought it into bits and pieces), I did have one thing I’d like to change about my way of life: I’d like to exercise more often.

It seems like a small thing to do and nothing that would have a life-altering effect on my general level of happiness. And it feels like such a cliché. How many New Years’ resolutions haven’t consisted of an intention to exercise more? But since it’s the only tangible thing I can think of, that’s what I’m going to do.

Things do need to change. I can’t keep doing the same things over and over again. It won’t make me happy. And going for a run a few times a week probably won’t change my life. But it’s a place to start.

Can you mention one thing you’d like to change about your way of life?


* PS. Extra points if you can tell where this slightly modified quote is from.