What defines us?

I watched an episode of Torchwood* yesterday and it really got to me. 

The episode was called Adam and it was about an alien that managed to manipulate each of the teammembers memories. This ended up changing them radically (e.i. a cynic womanizer became a romantic fool for love, the quiet nerdy girl blossomed into a self-assured and sexy woman).

At the end of the episode, when they’re trying to remember who they used to be, they’re asked to look inside themselves and find their core memories - the moments that defined them and shaped their lives.

 

It got me thinking about my own defining moments and just like the characters on the show, I feel like I’ve been defined more by the bad stuff than the good stuff. I remember clearly the first time I had to take on the role of being a parent, because my mother was too drunk and no one else was around to do it. As the youngest sibling of four, it was a totally new feeling and very, very scary. I was terrified, but I couldn't show it, because then my mother would just become even more difficult to deal with. I remenber feeling utterly lost, but oddly in control of the situation at the same time. It was a very weird sensation. Bittersweet. Certainly not something I would classify as a happy memory. 

And so it goes for a lot of the moments that I feel have defined who I am.

 

Why is it that hardship seems to make a bigger imprint on us than all of the good times?

 

I took a break in my blogging here, to ponder this question and you know how they say 'ask and you shall recieve'? 

Well...

 

I was just surfing the net and reading the news when I stumbled upon an article (in Danish) about epigenes and how a traumatic event in your childhood can literally change the epigenes of your DNA.

 

We're talking about how psychological trauma can actually effect you right down to the genetic level. That suffering in your childhood can make a lasting imprint on your DNA. This certainly seem to explain the nitty gritty details of why it changes us.

It would appear that mind and body is connected on a multitude of levels.

I don't know if that is a comforting thought or not. But it does make me think about the characters I write about. What kind of trauma have they experienced? How did it effect them? Do they even know how deep the wounds go?

I was surprised to learn that I've been changed on a genetic level because of things I experienced in my childhood. But the creative writer in me wonders how this might be the seed of a story. 

* Torchwood is an British sci-fi show, a spin-off of Doctor Who**. It's about a team of humans, defending the world against aliens. 

** Doctor Who is one of the best shows ever. If you don't know it, you really, really should. Start by watching this. And that. And just because I kindda think he's adorable and you should see him in all his adorableness here's a picture of David Tennant as the Doctor: