It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog. Part of it is because I’ve been busy with work. But it’s also because I’ve been going in circles in my head about this existential crisis that I’m in.
I still don’t have an answer. I’m not used to problems I can’t solve.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to describe this paradox that I’m experiencing.
What’s happening is that I know that life is unfair and meaningless. Life is random and will end up hurting me.
But despite this, I still choose to get up in the morning. I go to work. I make things happen at work. I see my family and friends and help them when I can. I keep on keeping on, and I don’t understand why.
Life is finite. It will end. Why am I not trying to get more out of it?
I should quit my job, I should chase my dreams, I should do everything in my power to get as much living into this one life that I have.
But I don’t. I just continue living my humdrum life.
This is a paradox I can’t wrap my head around.
If life is meaningless, why do I still follow the rules as prescribed by society? Why do I conform to what’s expected of me?
I’m thinking about this and dismissing any answers just as fast as they appear.
It’s not because I’m afraid. I decided long ago never to let fear rule my life (and as a consequence have done lots of amazing things).
It’s not because I’m lazy. I have the ability to achieve what I set my mind to. I’m simply too stubborn to give up and I’m not afraid of hard work. I actually quite like working hard towards a goal. It gives me a sense of accomplishment.
It’s not because I don’t know what to do. I could start writing more. I could start travelling more. Seeing more friends. Living more. The possibilities are endless.
It’s not because I’m exhausted. I have energy. I do things.
So what’s holding me back?
Nothing. Apparently.
Showing posts with label get happy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label get happy. Show all posts
Friday, September 11, 2015
Monday, July 14, 2014
Forget Your Troubles, mkay?
I’ve decided that my mood is random as fuck. Today I woke up angry at the world, hating everything in it, including myself. I thought I’d feel better after I got my morning exercise done. I didn’t. I thought I’d feel better after the shower. I didn’t. I thought I’d feel better after breakfast. I didn’t.
At this point I contemplated drinking coffee with no milk in it just because I wanted to make myself suffer.* The twisted logic was that since I was angry at the world, I might as well have something proper to be upset about.
I chickened out though and didn’t do it. Even in my hatred of the world I recognized that it would not make sense to add to the suckiness of it all by drinking unpleasant things.
I don’t know how, but sometime during the day, my mood got better. It seemed to happen without me noticing?
It’s like I’m a three year old kid crying because I just dropped my icecream cone. Show me a pretty picture or give me a swing-around and I’ll forget it all.
Is it really that easy?
It reminds me of how in a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Ford explains that the secret to flying is to simply forget that you are falling. The hard part is to do that while you are hurling towards the earth at great speed.
Is the secret to happiness simply to forget to be sad?
It sounds too simple.
I have this tendency to overthink everything, though, so who knows.
I’ve always liked the Vlogbrothers and their slogan: Don’t Forget To Be Awesome. It kind of goes in the same vein of how your default state is positive. We were always meant to be awesome. Sometimes we just forget.
And rather than obsess about it, thinking of how you need to be a better version of yourself, and how you need to fix all your problems, maybe you just need to chill the fuck out?
I know I do.
Namaste motherfuckers.
*To those of you who prefer your coffee black – I mean no disrespect. I can appreciate that we don’t all like the same things. I just absolutely hate coffee with no milk in it. It’s too bitter and it just doesn’t sit well in my stomach. And it stains your teeth more than if you add milk. Maybe one day I’ll be adult enough to actually enjoy a cup of steaming black tar, but for now I prefer it with milk.
At this point I contemplated drinking coffee with no milk in it just because I wanted to make myself suffer.* The twisted logic was that since I was angry at the world, I might as well have something proper to be upset about.
I chickened out though and didn’t do it. Even in my hatred of the world I recognized that it would not make sense to add to the suckiness of it all by drinking unpleasant things.
I don’t know how, but sometime during the day, my mood got better. It seemed to happen without me noticing?
It’s like I’m a three year old kid crying because I just dropped my icecream cone. Show me a pretty picture or give me a swing-around and I’ll forget it all.
Is it really that easy?
I really love this version of the song. Who doesn't love a high-top-hat wearing House singing a song?
It reminds me of how in a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Ford explains that the secret to flying is to simply forget that you are falling. The hard part is to do that while you are hurling towards the earth at great speed.
Is the secret to happiness simply to forget to be sad?
It sounds too simple.
I have this tendency to overthink everything, though, so who knows.
I’ve always liked the Vlogbrothers and their slogan: Don’t Forget To Be Awesome. It kind of goes in the same vein of how your default state is positive. We were always meant to be awesome. Sometimes we just forget.
And rather than obsess about it, thinking of how you need to be a better version of yourself, and how you need to fix all your problems, maybe you just need to chill the fuck out?
I know I do.
Namaste motherfuckers.
*To those of you who prefer your coffee black – I mean no disrespect. I can appreciate that we don’t all like the same things. I just absolutely hate coffee with no milk in it. It’s too bitter and it just doesn’t sit well in my stomach. And it stains your teeth more than if you add milk. Maybe one day I’ll be adult enough to actually enjoy a cup of steaming black tar, but for now I prefer it with milk.
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