The Goo vs. The Cat

This has become a battle of wills, and I refuse to lose.

The goo from the brain has vacated the premises. It’s left a very red nose, though. And I’m now waging a battle to suppress the Evil Cough. Little does it know that I’m planning a counterattack of tea with fresh lemon and ginger.

It won’t stand a chance.

Oh well. At least I’m getting some exercise from all this coughing (coughing counts as exercise, right?)

And just to stress the fact that I’m not sick, I’m going out tonight to paint the city red with a friend of mine. She found a grey hair and is freaking out. She’s only 23 years old and she regularly colors her hair, so I don’t see how she could possibly have a grey hair. But who am I to question a perfectly good excuse to get drunk and dance the night away?

I’ll probably wake up tomorrow with no voice and a craving for pizza and Coca-Cola. Good times are to be had.

I’ll go make myself some tea now.

Have a lovely Friday.

A House of Cards

I’m sitting at a cafe in central Copenhagen. I’m sick, in the traditional way with fever shakes, sore throat and goo trying to escape my nose.

But life doesn’t stop just because I want it too. I still have places to go and people to see.

The worst part is that I actually WANT to go to these places and WANT to see these people.

And at the same time I just want to curl up like a sleeping cat lying in the sun. And hiss at everything that disturbs my slumber.

When I was a teenager my parents would look at me solemnly and shake their heads in worry. “You’re burning your candle in both ends, dear. It’s not good for you.”

I’d shrug them off and insist that I was able to handle it. I knew the limits of my own capabilities, or so I thought.

Here I am, almost 10 years later, and I still haven’t learned my lesson. I’m beginning to doubt if I ever will.

There is just so much stuff that I want to do and I’ll be damned if I let one of those awesome opportunities slip away from me. So I work 25-30 hours a week at an awesome job. And I study for my masters at an awesome school. I see my awesome friends and my awesome family and I and try to keep my apartment clean. (yeah, let’s be honest – that last one doesn’t really happen)

And I’m usually able to keep on top of everything. I really am able to handle it.

But then something as stupid as the common cold comes around and knocks me out and the pretty house of cards that I’ve built around myself falls apart.

Yeah. I need to sleep. And then tomorrow I’ll rebuild my house of cards. I'll make it real pretty this time. And it will hold for a couple of months again. And that is fine. All I need is a couple a months.

Changes are acoming.

But for now, please excuse me while I get on with the 'going to places' and the 'seeing people'. And then tonight I'll have my much deserved sleep.

/cat yawn

The tripple 'A'

I’ll be turning 25 shortly. And when I think about my life, I really like it.

I like my job. I like my day-to-day life. I like the coffee-shop just around the corner from where I live and where I spend far too much of my money. I like my home and all the things I’ve filled it with. I like my life and all the people in it (including you, my dear interweb-friend).

But. . . I also feel trapped.

I’m ashamed of admitting it. How dare I feel trapped when my life is so good? Why can’t I be content with what I’ve got? My life is a plethora of awesome, compared to the lives of others.

But it still feels as though I am in a prison of my own making.

And sure, I really like this place I’m in. It’s great. I get to spend my time with people I love, doing things I enjoy. I shouldn’t feel trapped.

But to be perfectly honest? I do feel trapped.

And even as I try to escape this place I’m in, I get more tangled in it.

I want a life filled with adventure, action (instead of just thoughts) and awesome people. I want to be silly. I want to say yes, more than I say no. I want to get lost and find something more than just the way back home.

Ideally the Doctor would come in his TARDIS and show me the universe. But while I'm stuck here on Earth, I might as well make the best of it, and explore it a little bit.

Any suggestions for adventures I could go on?

Good advice

Q: How do I stop feeling so darned lost?
A: Feeling lost implies some sort of emotional, intellectual or physical destination. You’ll stop feeling lost when you realize that there is no destination. There is only the present moment.

- CokeTalk, January 4th 2012

January blues

I feel like all I do is wrong.

Yeah. Even that sentence was off.

Question: Why does the bad stuff matter more than the good?
Answer: Because I let it.
Solution: To smile. Yes really; just smile.

I've been smiling now. And I've realised something. 

I don’t want to be amazing.

Now, I wouldn't mind if you all think I am. I mean. It's not a bad adjective at all. But to actually strive to be amazing? That is hard work.

I don't want to be amazing.

I simply want to be amazed.

42.

I love reading advice columns. I’m not sure what this says about me, but hey, there’s a lot of emotionally grey goo bottled up inside me and one of the ways I deal with it is by reading these kinds of columns.

My very favorite advice columnist is Dear CokeTalk. As you can gleam from the title of her blog, it’s not exactly words of wisdom from a puritan. But that’s exactly the point. Start here for some of her good stuff (but who am I kidding? It’s all good).

I’ve never asked her for advice although I’ve often thought about it.

But the thing is I’m pretty clever. And I know that the answer to whatever question I ask lies in the question itself.

And I guess I haven’t been able to find the right question yet.

The answer is 42. But what is the question?

A Letter to Myself

It’s okay you know.

It’s okay to feel like crap sometimes. It’s okay to be stressed and sad. It’s okay that you don’t have everything figured out.

You haven’t done the dishes in a week? - It’s okay.

You get annoyed with you boyfriend over the slightest things? - Really. It’s okay. Just breathe.

You haven’t bought any Christmas-presents yet? - Still okay.

You’re afraid you’ll fail your exams? - So what if you do? It’ll be okay.

You feel like crying for no particular reason? - It’s okay. Go ahead. I understand.

You feel like a failure? - I promise you’re not.

You are wonderful.

I like you. I like you a lot.